I meditated on this Biblical passage this morning. It speaks to me about the battle that is raging for control of my mind. All of the spiritual attack I have been experiencing lately has been centered on creating doubts in my mind about one thing or another—Is God purposefully engaged in and controlling my life, has He truly “taken me on”? Am I in God’s will for my home life, work life, ministry, etc.? I have to continually reaffirm that what I am doing, how I am living my life is what God would have me to do. The World is shouting a different message to me. Being steadfast of mind comes only as I stay my focus on God’s presence with me. Whenever I get away from that, I feel ill-at-ease, uncomfortable, and vulnerable to the schemes of the devil and the error of the World’s thinking. I have to remember that God and His Word are faithful, true, and unchanging.
I have chosen to live my life according to what I believe is God’s calling for me. That life looks different from the lives of those living for the World. There would be cause for concern if it didn’t look different! I am a man who is tempted with the sin of homosexuality. I do not fully know why I am tempted, but I do know that neither homosexuality nor any other deception of the World defines who I am. It is not God’s will or design for me or anyone else. I do not self-identify with the labels of “gay” or “homosexual” any more than someone who is not tempted as I am would identify with the label of “heterosexual”. Heterosexual is just a word designed to be in contrast with the word homosexual.
I am who my Father in heaven says I am: a child of the Living God, a godly man who is seeking the heart of Christ daily. I live my life by faith as God would have me to do so, not based on someone else’s determination of what my life should be. God has a plan for my life that doesn’t take into account anything that anyone thinks, and therefore I don’t care what anyone else thinks about my life! I am accountable to God and God alone. Within God’s sovereignty I am certainly accountable to the people and institutions He has placed in my life—my wife, parents, church leaders, godly friends, government, etc.—but ultimately my allegiance and accountability is toward God. I must do His will.
I have to live my life by faith trusting God that He knows what is best for me. The pride and arrogance of my flesh wants to fully understand before it submits and it is constantly trying to dictate how I should live my life. But God is Creator and I am created. My only duty and pleasure is to trust Him and obey Him. God have mercy on me if I don’t.
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