Sad news

I don't really know what to write today.  I just received news from my mother that my cousin who is about the same age as me, passed away today.  I do not know any of the details about how she died, but it certainly reminded me how fragile life is, that I am not guaranteed tomorrow.  A lot of recovery thoughts have flooded my mind: living one day at a time, trusting God for each moment of each day, etc.  But more than anything, the importance of knowing where I stand before the Lord is so important and that being settled, I need to be about the Lord's business--telling others about Him.  I know that I am called to serve Him in the area of recovery and specifically with those struggling with same sex attractions, but I can't help but think that His purpose for my life is even higher than that.  I pray that my zeal for telling the truth about the issue of same sex attraction and lust never gets in the way of loving people and telling them the even greater truth of God's love for all people.  May I show compassion and love for those who struggle in the same way that I do and for everyone else.  I believe all recovery issues matter to the Lord, but through everything I think, say, and do, I must have love otherwise it is all for nothing.  Lord please help me to remember that.

I will miss my cousin and I pray that she has a home in my Father's Kingdom, in His presence for all of eternity.

Reflections on My Walk with the Lord

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NASB)

"Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." (Psalm 139:16, NASB)

Over the last five years God has directed me into some things that have become the primary activities of my life; almost without me even noticing.  I believe that my leadership in Celebrate Recovery, my work in Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia, my job structure at the college where I teach (part time classroom teaching and part time administrative work), and the list of the many other aspects of routine activities in my life, have been ordained by God.  This is the life He has called me to.  In some ways I feel I am uniquely gifted to perform the duties of each of these responsibilities, but in many other ways I feel inadequate.  Knowing however, that God has called me to these things at this stage in my life encourages me to tackle each day in His strength.  It is not the life I envisioned over 25 years ago when I set out to conquer the world as a naive college student completely focused on what I wanted to "do" rather than what I needed to "be".  But it is the life that fulfills the real longings of my heart: peace, freedom, love, acceptance, joy, and hope.  Don't get me wrong, I struggle each and every day with various things to varying degrees, but I know in my heart that God has "taken me on" and is working in my life to reveal the true me He created me to be.  For that, and so much more, I am thankful today.

Change

"Change isn't the absence of struggle, it's the freedom in the midst of that struggle to make a different decision"

Alan Chambers, President, Exodus International
Exodus Freedom Conference
Opening Night General Session
Saint Paul, Minnesota
June 28, 2012