How else can one live? Is it possible to live two days at the same time? Of course not! But I sometimes try to do just that by focusing my attention on the past with its mistakes and failures. Or I try to control through worry what will happen at some point in the future. How crazy is that! God continues to teach me this lesson of "one day at a time" as He did when I first started recovery, when I finally surrendered my life to the Lord. The temptations to sin that I face each day of my life are a constant reminder of my need for the Lord's strength in every moment. I have often prayed that God would remove these fleshly temptations from me, but I think they remain because they are a great tutor to keep me close to the Lord, and they keep me from becoming prideful about any changes God has made in my life. I have to surrender my life to God not just in the morning when I have my quiet time, but also throughout the day; sometimes many, many times each day. My guard is constantly up, not in a way that produces anxiety but in a way that brings about peace as I focus on the Lord's presence in my life. When I begin to lose sight of Jesus in my walk with Him, the struggles begin. As my focus shifts from Him to my past failures or to worries about the future, I feel weighed down and my joy evaporates. My peace is shaken and I am kept from enjoying what God is doing in the present moment.
I thank God that He has blessed me to have many tools to help me stay focused on the here and now.Spending time regularly with the Lord in prayer, meditation, and reading His Word are my life's highest priority. I do not mean that I am perfect at it, but I strive to keep these things as of the highest importance because they are the means to develop and grow my relationship with my Heavenly Father, and that is my highest calling! My prayer today is that I will seek only to know Him more.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
"...the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
"...for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ..." (2 Corinthians 10:4-5, NASB)
Of the three things that are possible for me to change (my attitude, my my acceptance, and my actions) I believe what is most needed in my life is a change of attitude or mind. I need to pay closer attention to those things that quietly steal little pieces of my serenity without me hardly noticing. It can be something as simple as a passing thought that I allow to take residence in my mind before taking it "...captive to the obedience of Christ." Just yesterday a friend reminded me during a conversation about recovery that I cannot prevent a bird from flying over my head, but I certainly can stop it from nesting in my hair.
My thought life needs to change. On the one hand, I bemoan that I have to struggle with same-sex lust/attraction, but on the other hand I have to ask myself how diligent I have been in protecting my mind from the influences that are the source of those temptations. I need to make a conscious effort to intentionally change my thinking throughout each day. My mind set needs to be on Christ and the Holy Spirit. I need to be vigilant about what I allow to enter my mind through various media--TV especially, but also the Internet, radio, printed materials, and even conversations.
I need to pay closer attention to what is happening to me in a subtle way and how those things are affecting my state of mind. I have often had the experience of feeling unsettled in my spirit and not knowing why. I have noticed in most cases that by taking a quick inventory of recent events and my thought processes following those events, has shed light on how my peace was taken from me. More often than not, I would simply allow that feeling of unrest to persist through the day without ever realizing what it was that caused me to feel that way. What I accomplish through journaling each day, I need to apply mentally to circumstances in the heat of battle in the moment. I need to pay closer attention to what is going on.
This kind of change is not easy to do, and can even be scary, but I will trust in the Lord to give me His wisdom as I endeavor to make these adjustments in my walk with Him. As a friend so wisely pointed out, courage is not the absence of fear, but the conquering of it. I will embrace this change of mind for a closer more intimate relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ.
Of the three things that are possible for me to change (my attitude, my my acceptance, and my actions) I believe what is most needed in my life is a change of attitude or mind. I need to pay closer attention to those things that quietly steal little pieces of my serenity without me hardly noticing. It can be something as simple as a passing thought that I allow to take residence in my mind before taking it "...captive to the obedience of Christ." Just yesterday a friend reminded me during a conversation about recovery that I cannot prevent a bird from flying over my head, but I certainly can stop it from nesting in my hair.
My thought life needs to change. On the one hand, I bemoan that I have to struggle with same-sex lust/attraction, but on the other hand I have to ask myself how diligent I have been in protecting my mind from the influences that are the source of those temptations. I need to make a conscious effort to intentionally change my thinking throughout each day. My mind set needs to be on Christ and the Holy Spirit. I need to be vigilant about what I allow to enter my mind through various media--TV especially, but also the Internet, radio, printed materials, and even conversations.
I need to pay closer attention to what is happening to me in a subtle way and how those things are affecting my state of mind. I have often had the experience of feeling unsettled in my spirit and not knowing why. I have noticed in most cases that by taking a quick inventory of recent events and my thought processes following those events, has shed light on how my peace was taken from me. More often than not, I would simply allow that feeling of unrest to persist through the day without ever realizing what it was that caused me to feel that way. What I accomplish through journaling each day, I need to apply mentally to circumstances in the heat of battle in the moment. I need to pay closer attention to what is going on.
This kind of change is not easy to do, and can even be scary, but I will trust in the Lord to give me His wisdom as I endeavor to make these adjustments in my walk with Him. As a friend so wisely pointed out, courage is not the absence of fear, but the conquering of it. I will embrace this change of mind for a closer more intimate relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
"...to accept the things I cannot change..."
All of my life I have been told that if something is not right or if I do not like my circumstances or my situation, change them. I have come to realize that changing those things and changing people is not as simple as it sounds nor is it even desirable that I try. I cannot change my wife or her behavior, though I try sometimes or get very frustrated when she does not think or act in a way I think she should. I try to change the students I teach, to get them to place their education on a higher level of importance and priority. I also get frustrated when they seemingly reject my efforts to instill within them personal values such as personal responsibility, respect for others, being on time, etc.
With my wife especially, but also with those with whom I serve in ministry and with friends, I sometimes do not take what they say (or what they do not say) at face value, often choosing rather to project in my own mind underlying meanings and motivations to what is spoken. This is a character flaw that I am working on in my recovery. It is also a subtle form of control and it really messes with my serenity.
I sponsor several guys in this Celebrate Recovery program and ministry and I have to strongly resist my tendency to want to "fix" them. I give everything I know to give, and I say everything I feel like God has laid on my heart to say to them, and watching some of the suffer needlessly because of poor choices and lack of belief is hard to take. I want so badly to change them but I know that God is the only one who can change a heart and He can use me (or not) to whatever extent in that process in their lives. It is the "or not" part I struggle with sometimes. Not only is it an attempt to control but it is also very prideful!
I have heard the phrase "let go and let God" most of my life, and in all of the areas I have written about today (there are other areas also) it is time to let go. I sincerely thought I had done just that some time ago, but they have been a source of frustration and even resentment in my recovery recently. Frustration and resentment have nothing to do with serenity.
My prayer for myself today is that by God's grace, I will accept the fact that there are many people, places, things, circumstances..., I cannot change. But God can. May He begin with me.
With my wife especially, but also with those with whom I serve in ministry and with friends, I sometimes do not take what they say (or what they do not say) at face value, often choosing rather to project in my own mind underlying meanings and motivations to what is spoken. This is a character flaw that I am working on in my recovery. It is also a subtle form of control and it really messes with my serenity.
I sponsor several guys in this Celebrate Recovery program and ministry and I have to strongly resist my tendency to want to "fix" them. I give everything I know to give, and I say everything I feel like God has laid on my heart to say to them, and watching some of the suffer needlessly because of poor choices and lack of belief is hard to take. I want so badly to change them but I know that God is the only one who can change a heart and He can use me (or not) to whatever extent in that process in their lives. It is the "or not" part I struggle with sometimes. Not only is it an attempt to control but it is also very prideful!
I have heard the phrase "let go and let God" most of my life, and in all of the areas I have written about today (there are other areas also) it is time to let go. I sincerely thought I had done just that some time ago, but they have been a source of frustration and even resentment in my recovery recently. Frustration and resentment have nothing to do with serenity.
My prayer for myself today is that by God's grace, I will accept the fact that there are many people, places, things, circumstances..., I cannot change. But God can. May He begin with me.
Monday, April 9, 2012
God, grant me the serenity...
In our leadership meeting for Celebrate Recovery yesterday, our training coach challenged us to take a fresh look at the Serenity Prayer and gain a better appreciation for what we are requesting from God when we pray it. I thought I would post my personal perspective to the different parts of the prayer as a way to refresh my memory on what the prayer means to me.
The first part says "God, grant me the serenity..." To me, serenity is an inward confidence that God is in complete control of my life. Everything that happens to me is either engineered by God is allowed by Him to bring Him glory and to bring about good in my life. Serenity means I can have joy in the midst of any situation, good or bad, by resting in the Presence of Almighty God. Life is full of troubles, trials, heartaches, sadness, temptations, distresses, problems..., but my serenity tells me that those things are simply tools used by God to bring about peace in my life. Surrendering them to God is the first step to obtaining the Peace of God which Paul describes as surpassing all understanding. I cannot be anxious about anything.
Lastly, it is important for me to remember that this serenity is granted by God. It is not something I can generate myself through positive thinking or any other means. In the face of difficult circumstances in life, I must moment by moment trust God to provide the serenity by His power. I must remain in the Presence of God at all times, keeping my mind steadfastly focused on Him. Only then will I know true Peace.
The first part says "God, grant me the serenity..." To me, serenity is an inward confidence that God is in complete control of my life. Everything that happens to me is either engineered by God is allowed by Him to bring Him glory and to bring about good in my life. Serenity means I can have joy in the midst of any situation, good or bad, by resting in the Presence of Almighty God. Life is full of troubles, trials, heartaches, sadness, temptations, distresses, problems..., but my serenity tells me that those things are simply tools used by God to bring about peace in my life. Surrendering them to God is the first step to obtaining the Peace of God which Paul describes as surpassing all understanding. I cannot be anxious about anything.
Lastly, it is important for me to remember that this serenity is granted by God. It is not something I can generate myself through positive thinking or any other means. In the face of difficult circumstances in life, I must moment by moment trust God to provide the serenity by His power. I must remain in the Presence of God at all times, keeping my mind steadfastly focused on Him. Only then will I know true Peace.
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