Flesh and Spirit

"For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.  For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.  But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.  So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.  For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.  But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.  I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.  For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.  Wretched man that I am!  Who will set me free from the body of this death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!  So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin." (Romans 7:14-25, NASB)

It is a long passage of Scripture, but one that is extremely powerful and worth writing out.  To me this is one of the most important passages of Scripture for any believer to know and understand, especially for those struggling with an addiction or stronghold in their life as I am.

There is such conflict between my flesh and my spirit.  The reality of the Christian life is that believers have both, flesh and spirit.  It seems most of the time that my flesh (more precisely, sin) is doing everything it can to discourage and dishearten me. It attempts to derail everything the Lord is doing in and through me.  The temptation to return to the life I lived for so many years—leading a double life, pursuing daily the insatiable sexual hunger that completely took over my life—is ever-present and strong.  That, along with erotic dreams and the rampant same-sex lust activated by what I see and hear in this fallen world, all threaten to send me back to that dark, awful place of servitude to my addiction.  I cannot and will not go back there.  My spirit on the other hand rejoices over the intimate relationship I have with the Savior, with the freedom, peace and joy He is in my life.  The two, flesh and spirit, co-exist, but I am called to walk after the spirit and deny the deeds of the flesh.  Therein lies my problem. I can’t but He can in me.  It is only through surrender and trust that I can walk in the Spirit, but this constant battle being waged “...against the law of my mind…” is very real.

I know that all of it is a form of suffering from which I have asked God numerous times in prayer to remove from me, but the answer is always the same: the suffering is for my good and the good of others.  Facing the temptations everyday and the daily victory of them is a reminder to me of my continual need to rely on Jesus Christ and His resurrection power in my life.  But beyond that, they also serve to allow me to empathize with those who are similarly tempted and to be able to minister to them in a way that only someone who deals with the same issues can.

I continue to pray each day that His will be done, knowing that there is a purpose beyond myself that He has for my life.  The hope that I have within my spirit is the knowledge that one day I will be in the presence of Almighty God and this “body of death” will be transformed into an eternal body free from the bondage of sin and death.  As the hymn writer says “Lord hasten the day when my faith will be made sight”.  To God be the glory!